Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Do It Yourself: Life

My friends, it has been a while since I have posted here and a lot has happened to me. I lost my job. Well, sort of. I was fired.

Sort of.

I got laid off from Columbia University, the details of which are so boring that I don't feel like going into them here. The big news is that I have entered the MFA program at Brooklyn College, and I am a bona fide writing student. I quit smoking, and I haven't quite figured out how to spend a day. For example--today.

It is 4:00 p.m. and I have been sitting in the same chair for 7 hours. I have written four pages of a story that is totally unrelated to the one I have due on Sunday, and I have only written 2 pages of the story that is actually due. I have had 3 cups of coffee, some chili, 2 glasses of water, and a ricola. I have surfed around through facebook and found some people I know from high school. I have spent at least an hour perusing subliminal advertisement examples. I got to those because I had to google "coke cock"(research for the story that is not due on Sunday). And coke cock, not only lead me to the urban dictionary definition of a flaccid penis due to cocaine consumption, it also lead me to the image of a woman giving head that is hidden in the ice cubes on a coke poster -- coke cock.

Now, this is all endlessly diverting, and didn't I leave that job behind so that I could follow my creative whimsy wherever it lead me? But, coke cock? Really? It's only a step away from youporn. And yes, I know what youporn is.

The endless array of things I could do to fill my day are completely overwhelming and I am sure that according to one quiz or another I have ADD or ADHD, or something that keeps me from committing to doing the laundry, or going to Target, or ordering postcards for my pet portrait business, or watching Oprah, or WHATEVER, and instead has me making various lists that get lost in piles, that I will one day recover only to chide myself for not having done that! AAAAAHHH!!!! How in the hell did I organize an entire program of writers before this?

So, my friends, forget the how to's on designing your own stencils, or installing wall sconces--both terrifying projects in their own right especially to one who doesn't even know which Trader Joe's trail mix to buy--chocolate chunks, or dried mango, chocolate chunks or dried mango. Once again, AAAAHHHHHH! Forget these DIY manuals, I would like to write the DIY manual on how to pay your bills, maintain your friendships, go grocery shopping, and spend your day.

Would anyone buy that? Do you have anything to say to this? I welcome your comments.

On a lighter note, I did not watch the show "A Haunting" today, so I am less fearful that my house is haunted.

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